Maybe not the ninth level, but it was getting close

Spent some time waiting at the doctor's office today. A lot of time. As a matter of fact, I was able to read nearly the entire July issue of Real Simple magazine. Have you seen this thing? It's about a half-inch thick. After a while, I started thinking that maybe I had died and I was in Hell's waiting room, rather than my orthopedist's. Of course, Hell's waiting room is never empty; you're always accompanied by the most annoying people possible.

Christopher, the Super-Irritating Child
I swear, I am an irritating kid magnet. This one appeared to be about four years old, and he was LOUD. (And yes, I know--you can't expect small children to sit still and be perfectly quiet. But I don't think it's unreasonable to require them to leave the other patrons alone.) Christopher thought it was great fun to crawl on the floor under the chairs...and then pop up at the end of the row, which was directly beneath my elbow. He did this, oh, twenty times or so before his "MAMAWMAMAWMAMAW" (that's what he kept yelling) told him to stop. He finally discovered the toys in the corner, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Until...


Suspender Man
Suspender Man arrived with great fanfare. He, too, was loud, and on crutches (and inexplicably attired in Ralph Lauren denim shorts with suspenders). Suspender Man greeted all of the receptionists, loudly; found a seat, loudly; and made a great show of getting settled and arranging his crutches. Ahh, now I can go back to these engrossing articles about hot dog toppings and sports bras. At that point, Suspender Man yelled, "Whoo!" and nearly scared me out of my uncomfortable chair. He proceeded to holler "Whoo!" at intervals of approximately every 90 seconds. He left just enough time between for me to think we were finished with the Whoo-ing. Each outburst was followed by a heavy sigh, which wafted directly over my head, along with a gust of coffee breath. Ugh.


Every-freakin'-one else
There must have been 25 people in this waiting room, and at least 20 of them were having full-volume cell phone conversations. Do people not care that everyone in the room can hear them discussing their personal problems? In addition, a sign is prominently posted in the waiting room forbidding the use of cell phones. Clearly, no one was paying attention. 


Oh, and did I mention that all of the doctors were running over an hour behind? And Dr. Phil was playing (loudly!) on the TV? Having your blood pressure checked is not part of a visit to the orthopedist, but, if it was, I'm pretty sure mine would have been through the roof. You know it's been a stressful visit when it's a huge relief to go back to work. And best of all, I get to go back in two weeks! Do you think that's enough time to round up an annoying kid and prepare a loud, embarrassing cell phone conversation?