Please pardon this interruption...

But it looks like Nerd in the Corner is going to be taking a break for a while. I have some medical stuff going on, and I'm not sure how regularly I will be able to post in the coming weeks. Since I love my readers (and blogging in general), I obsess about my blog and feel really guilty when I don't post as often as I should. Taking an announced break should help to free me from feeling guilty while I get poked and prodded by (seemingly) every doctor under the sun. I'll still be reading all of my favorite blogs, commenting when I can, and hanging out on Facebook if possible. I'll miss you guys! Hope to be back again in full force in a few weeks.

This might be rarer than Sasquatch...

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a rant about some butt-ugly shoes I saw at Off Broadway, which I dubbed "floots" because they're kind of a boot/flip-flop hybrid. Since then, I've seen them in all the shoe stores, but never on an actual person. (Maybe because they are, well, butt-ugly?) But my sharp-eyed blog buddy Cardiogirl had a sighting! She wrote a hilarious post about it, complete with an awesome illustrative doodle. You should go read it immediately, because it was nine kinds of awesome. Thanks, cg...that totally made my day.

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Do you ever have a dimwit week? If so, is there a cure, or am I going to be an idiot forever? All week long, I've been answering my work phone and completely forgetting what to say. On Sunday, I bought a dozen eggs so that I could make a pineapple upside-down cake for work...then left the eggs in the car for six hours. When I was baking the cake earlier this evening, I realized (too late) that I had bought the wrong kind of cake mix...and boogered up the liquid/fat ratio beyond all recognition. If you can offer any suggestions to help my poor brain, I would really appreciate it. I'm off to Kroger to buy more cake ingredients.

Warning: This post could be even less coherent than usual

A few months ago, I made a promise to my blog readers to update more regularly and, for the most part, I've stuck to it. So, I'm going to beg off tonight, because I'm not sure I can string more than two sentences together. Here's a brief recap of my day--for extra fun, see if you can spot the parts that left me in this wrecked, depleted state:

• Arise at 4:45 am, as usual on weekdays, even though I won't be working
• Deprive Sebastian dog of food and water, in preparation for his tooth cleaning and other procedures
• Drive hungry, thirsty, confused animal to the vet; gently console while navigating through morning rush-hour traffic
• Pick husband up; drop off at work
• Embark on a 45-mile round-trip errand extravaganza
• Arrive back at home; immediately head outside to mow the yard (front and back)--it was hot
• Talk to vet about Sebastian's procedures while in the shower, cleaning up from lawn-mowing (sorry, Dr. Rauth!)
• A break! Lunch, check email, take a blessed half-hour nap
• Leave to pick up Sebastian dog; note, with dismay, how heavy the traffic is already at 4 pm
• Spend over an hour in crawling, brake-every-ten-feet rush hour traffic with a wigged-out, post-op, hungry/thirsty/whiny dog
• Contemplate several acts of bodily harm
• Arrive at home, finally; feed dogs, feed self; hello, wine bottle my old friend!

And now I'm just knackered, which is why there's no post tonight. I will leave you with one treat, though:

Sigh. His name is Laurence Fox, and he plays the enigmatic Detective Sergeant Hathaway on the BBC detective series Lewis. It's a great show, Mr. Fox is absolutely yummy, and I intend to spend the rest of the evening enjoying it. Thanks for your patience.

A sort of hiatus

I didn't intend to take a month-long break from blogging, believe me. It was actually another writing project that left me no time to write here. A few months ago, my church choir director and I decided to create our own Christmas play, rather than using a packaged program. I did most of the writing (with a huge amount of input and advice from several others), and it was one of the most terrifying, fun, creative things I've ever been involved in. However--because I was involved on a molecular level--I ate, slept, and breathed the Christmas play for the last month. We had our performance last Sunday evening, everything went very well, and now I can return to my regularly scheduled, boring life...just as I like it. I plan to spend the next few evenings catching up on Facebook; reading and commenting on my favorite blogs (I've been clicking "mark all as read" on the Google reader for a while now); and collecting all the supplies I'll need for a day of Christmas baking on Saturday.

If you're still checking in here, thanks! I missed you guys. Look for a new post later this week--all the writing I've been doing lately brought back an embarrassing memory of an early creative story assignment. Here's a hint about just how mortifying it was: the teacher who graded it wrote my mom a note, because my story made her laugh so hard. And not in a good way, either.

It's a major award*

As if things hadn't been exciting enough around here lately, what with the new look and the blogoversary and getting TRIPLE the usual number of page views last week (you guys can't see that, of course, but my traffic report made me very happy)--I won an award! The lovely JD, of I Do Things So You Don't Have To, was kind enough to pass the Superior Scribbler Award on to me and several other happy bloggers. (Check out the link to read about the Scholastic Scribe, and the award.) Now, I'm supposed to pay it forward to some of my favorite bloggers, so here we go:

• Heather, from The Mother Tongue. Heather is a writer for my local paper, and she's awesome: funny, geeky, smart, and totally cool. Her blog topics range from politics and current events, to hilarious reports about her home life as a mom to two little ones, to tough, touching stories about some of her personal struggles. Bonus: Heather is a Harry Potter nerd, too. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only adult who daydreams about Hogwarts.
  
• Jeff, from View from the Cloud. Jeff has great stories about his former life on the road as a professional musician, and a lot of hilarious regular features (my fave is Mr. Know-It-All).  He has been blogging for years, and you will find tons of laughs in his archives. Jeff is also a fellow Elvis Costello fan, and that's good enough for me.
• Chris, from Maugeritaville. Chris is a school principal, and I believe anyone who deals with today's youth on a daily basis deserves some kind of award. He writes great nostalgia stories about his own school days, and reports from the front lines (aka his job) that make me oh-so-grateful for my boring office job, where everyone is over 25 and (relatively) sane.
• Sarah, from Rhinestones and Telephones. I just started reading Sarah's blog about a week ago, and I am already addicted. She blogs about baking, sewing, crafts (all things I love), Strictly Come Dancing, which is the British version of Dancing with the Stars (my favoritest TV show), and tons of other interesting stuff. There's just one thing: I think "Sarah" may actually be a pseudonym for, like, five people. Because I don't see how one woman could get all of that stuff done.

Congratulations, everyone! Just click on the Superior Scribbler Award link to get the instructions for passing on the award, if you like. I'm not really gonna try to force you or anything.

*Leg lamp photo courtesy of notice things. If you don't understand the significance of the photo, or the post title, go here.

My baby is growing up!

Happy birthday to Nerd in the Corner! Yes, my little bloggie is a year old. It seems like just yesterday that I created my Blogger account and began my weekly fret about what to write, but that was 108 posts ago. Wow...that seems like a lot of posts. What have I been writing about for the last year, anyway? Let's check back through the old posts and see.

• In one of my earliest posts on September 3, I made the first reference to my recently-diagnosed strained pectoral muscle. It turns out that it wasn't a strained muscle at all. It still feels like crap, and I ran out of Lortab a long time ago. Advil PM is my new best friend.
• On October 3, I mined my painful teenage years for laughs, and wrote about one of my (many) horrible gym class experiences. It's kind of a long post; I've learned since then that it's best to keep things short and sweet. It's a pretty funny story, though, despite all of the mental anguish and stuff.
• On December 14, I explained why the Christmas season makes me kind of Grinch-y. Man, I hate those stupid sexy Santa outfits. Now I can't stop thinking that it will only be another couple of months until I have to endure them again.
• On January 8, I discussed my lengthy episode of insomnia, and admitted that I have always been a sleepwalker. I still can't sleep very well, but my BFF Advil PM is helping out with that, too. I lurve you, Advil PM!
  
• On March 10, I branched out a bit, and offered some tips for elevator etiquette. I know it's bad to hold grudges, but that guy still honks me off.
• I am a huge fan of 80s music, and I (partlially) explained why on April 11. Yes, I really wanted to marry Prince. And no, I never completely grew out of it.
  
• On August 1, I wrote about another one of Mother Nature's little cruelties. I think I may have inadvertently offended a member of the Goth community with this post.
  

Sometimes, when I write a post, I remember to label it. Except that I forget what labels I have used in the past, so my labeling system is totally spastic. Some of the labels use capital letters, and some don't. I have two different labels for posts about my dogs, and now I can't figure out how to delete one of the labels without deleting the posts that go with it. There are 18 posts labeled "random stuff," while most of the other labels have only one or two posts each. Labeling is definitely one of the areas where I hope to improve in my next year of blogging.

And there will definitely be a next year, because blogging is fun--even though I fuss a lot over what to write about, and sometimes I worry that no one is reading it. I love to think that something I wrote might have made someone laugh, though, and I like to write for myself, too. So, to everyone who has read Nerd in the Corner over the past year, particularly those of you who have left comments and followed me: a million billion thanks! And, to my blogging heroes JD, Kathy, and Jeff: You guys are awesome!! Thanks so much for reading my blog, giving me advice, leaving hilarious comments, and providing a ton of blogging encouragement. If y'all are still blogging in 20 years, I will still be reading your stuff, because you're great, funny writers...AND truly good people.

Here's to Year Two! 

We're Gonna Take a Break and Introduce the Band

At pretty much every concert I've ever been to, the band took a break at some point to introduce the members and give everyone a chance to play a little solo. Even if the group has been around forever, and most of their fans know more about the band members than their own relatives, they still go through the whole introduction thing at every show. I've been writing this blog for 10 months now, and I decided it may be time to devote a post to some of my band members (aka the other characters I write about here. Unfortunately, I'm not actually in a band, despite 25 years of fervent wishing.)

Your Host










So, this is me...absepa, for the purposes of this blog. That's not my real name, of course, but the husband is kind of squirrelly about identity theft and didn't want me to use my real name. I am 38, and I still live in my hometown in Kentucky. Since I did the dumbest thing ever and bailed on my college scholarship without getting a degree, I work as an administrative assistant. Over the past 20 years, I've worked at a life insurance company, a college textbook wholesaler, an equine insurance company, and a small private university. A little over four years ago, I was lucky enough to land a job in the Planning division of the local city government. It's a really good job, and I am so thankful to have it. During my clerical/admin "career," I have answered about a million inane questions; made thousands and thousands of copies; used many office machines in various stages of decrepitude; told an astonishing number of lies for bosses who refused to answer the phone or meet with people; and been cursed at, threatened, and called a liar. Some of those stories may eventually find their way here as blog fodder. Outside of work, I go to church, waste time online, and hang out with my husband, family, and dogs. I've been singing since I was seven years old, and would love nothing more than to be able to make a living doing it...but I'm not expecting to have a Susan Boyle moment anytime soon.

Mr. Nerd
My husband since 1996, who is kind of reclusive and most certainly would not want me to post his photo on the Internets. He's a few years older than me, and works in IT for the city government. Mr. Nerd is an amateur photographer and video gamer, very sarcastic and funny, and really handy at fixing things around the house. I don't write much about him here, mostly because he didn't ask to have his life made public on my blog.

The Dogs





Patches, Sebastian, and Abby, my three Cocker Spaniels. They're pretty spoiled, even though I try really hard not to be the Crazy Dog Lady. They never cease to amuse me, though, and they're great little companions. Patches is sweet and lazy; Sebastian is much smarter than a dog should be, and gets into lots of trouble; and Abby has an unfortunate tendency to kill critters in the yard. Two dead birds in just the past week, as a matter of fact.

Various Session Players
From time to time I write about my family, which includes my sister, M, and my mom, stepfather, and various aunts and an uncle. I wrote a couple of posts early on about my job, but my boss has probably discovered my blog through Facebook now, and I don't want to get fired. I guess I'll have to stick to stories about some of my old workplaces from now on.

So, that's the band. I haven't built up a large fan base at this point, but I'm grateful for every single reader. If you do read the blog, drop me a comment and let me know what you think! I love to know who's out there. We'll return to our regularly scheduled randomness next time.

Vote for me, please:

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Even though I'll be turning 39 in a couple of months, I don't really feel that old. Except for a few aches and pains and some crows' feet, I usually try to think of myself as pretty young. Sometimes, though, it takes someone else to make one feel a little aged.

I was teaching preschool at church this morning, and we were bringing the little ones in from the playground. Two of the girls wanted to hold my hands, so we were walking along and having a nice chat. One of the girls asked if she could ride on my back. I told her that I was afraid I couldn't carry her on my back, and was getting ready to explain why (I have a bad shoulder). At that point, the other little girl said (very sweetly and sympathetically), "I know why you can't carry her...it's because you're too old, isn't it?" So much for feeling young! I guess to a five-year-old I must seem pretty ancient.

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And now, for a bit of blog housekeeping. First of all, I am incredibly excited to announce that I have joined Humor-Blogs.com!! It must have been the puppy face. My main reason for joining was to try to increase traffic to my blog, so that I could break free from Entrecard. I don't think it's a bad system; I just don't have time to give it the attention it deserves. So, as of today, I have removed the Entrecard widget from my blog and requested that my account be cancelled. I don't have any pending ads right now, but, if you had requested an ad, I apologize for leaving you hanging. If you came here from Entrecard, thanks for reading, and please stick around. Hopefully I will be able to use the time I was spending managing my Entrecard stuff actually writing on the blog, so please check back. If you like what you read here, please vote for me at Humor-Blogs.com! I'm a little confused about how to work the little widget-y link-y post-voting thing, but I will try to get it figured out before my next post.

Busier Than A...

One-armed paperhanger. One-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. Bee. Insert your favorite analogy here, because I've had a busy couple of weeks. Since I feel kind of bad for not posting for a while, here is a rundown of some of the things that have kept me away from the blog.

Thinking I Had Appendicitis
I spent one evening last week at the walk-in clinic, to see if my appendix was causing all the stomach pain I have been having. This is the pearl of wisdom I received from the physician's assistant: "I know that you don't have appendicitis, but I have no idea what you do have." Awesome--I had to pay a $20 co-pay AND get poked really hard in the belly for that.

Not Finding a Mother's Day Gift
Usually, when my mom asks for clothes for Mother's Day, I just take her shopping. She's kind of tough to buy for, and that way I can be sure that she gets something she likes. This year, though, she asked me to pick out an outfit for her. I live in a metropolitan area with a population of 300,000 people...and it appears that everyone's mom is the same size as mine. I waited until the last minute, then looked at every dress in three stores, and found nothing. I ended up giving Mom a gift card, and feeling like a loser.

Playing with My New Toys
I mentioned to Mr. Nerd a couple of weeks ago that I would like to have a painting program and a tablet to use it with. Not for any particular reason; I've just always liked to noodle around with art stuff. Mr. Nerd took it upon himself to order the items in question from Amazon, and I got them set up over the weekend. The only problem I've had so far is that Corel Painter does not come with art talent pre-installed. I couldn't draw when I was taking art classes in high school, and all the fancy computer equipment in the world doesn't seem to help. For example, it took me two days to produce this:

(It's a stargazer lily, in case you can't tell. And I would be amazed if you could tell.) I stink at the Painter thing, but it's lots of fun. And, I've discovered another way to waste time and avoid doing chores!

So, that's what I've been up to for the past couple of weeks. My next big project: contemplating what kind of havoc I can wreak on my back yard. I have landscaping fever, and that never ends well. I'll be sure to post photos if I come up with anything interesting.

I May Owe Someone An Apology

After I joined Facebook, I realized that it could be a valuable tool for gaining new readers for my blog. So, I added the little networking button, and shared my blog with all my Facebook friends.

Fast forward a few months. In the past couple of weeks, I've had a couple of Facebook friend requests from people I don't know, and I ignored them all (my mom's "don't talk to strangers" lesson must have REALLY made an impact on me). Being a huge dork, I completely forgot that I had ASKED people to find me on Facebook, and that those nice folks sending me friend requests had probably done so because they've been reading my blog.

So, many apologies to anyone who sent me a friend request and never got added. If you will resend, I'll add you! I promise I don't suck all the time.

I'm 38 going on 8...

At least as far as my sense of humor is concerned. I love ridiculous, absurd humor that has no redeeming social value whatsoever. The things that make me laugh the hardest are usually the most lowbrow.

Take this, for example. See if you can figure out which line makes me giggle uncontrollably (answer below).

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"Your son Rip is on line toot." HA! It gets me every time. Nothing but the best fart jokes for those of us with a mature, refined sense of humor.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm feeling the urge to create my own blog template again...which is never a good thing. We'll see what happens. I'm sure it will involve frustration, swearing, tears, and drinking wine. If you check back and everything looks a mess, it means I got tipsy and tried to figure out HTML. Wish me luck!

Another Note of Thanks...

Goes to Kathy at The Junk Drawer for adding me to her blogroll! Kathy, you and JD have been SO incredibly helpful and encouraging to me on my adventure in blogging. I plan to demonstrate my gratitude to both of you by continuing to ask you a million and two questions about Entrecard. Thanks again for everything!

This Just Made my Day

I was killing time this afternoon, waiting for my husband to finish up work so we could head home. (We carpool, which generates enough confrontations to merit their own blog post.) Having perused all the new posts in my Google reader and checked my email accounts, I was amusing myself by re-reading JD's archives at I Do Things So You Don't Have To, when I noticed something interesting. Namely, that my humble little blog had been included on JD's "I Read These Blogs" list!

JD, I am touched and honored and all kinds of other goopy emotional things. And now I'm really going to have to step up my game, since I'm hanging out there with great bloggers like Jeff, Kathy, and a bunch of other really cool folks.

The Tank is Empty

For some reason, I just can't think of anything to write about lately. My posts have been pretty sketchy (and crummy) for the past few weeks. So, I've decided to take an official break from blogging, to see if I can come up with some ideas. I'll be back in a week or so!

A Note of Thanks

I realized, after I wrote my last post about the new blog template, that I forgot to give props to its designer. Matie Kay Creations has quite a few really nice-looking templates, and instructions on how to install them. For HTML-challenged bloggers (like me), the instructions are a huge help. Thanks!

This is What Happens When I Have Free Time

When I started this blog last summer, I made a vow that I would not use any pre-made templates or graphics. It would be my work, all the way. My "work," which consisted of a plain white background and a header that looked crummy, even though it took me a week to make it. When I signed in to the blog to check comments this morning, it just looked...shabby. Tired. Boring.

Looking at my boring blog made me think about my own wardrobe, and how much I love clothes. I love to dress up. I wear heels that would make a podiatrist flinch. Now, even though I have a sewing machine and the (rudimentary) skills to use it, I would never limit myself to wearing only clothes that I had made. So why was I limiting my blog to "wearing" only designs that I made?

Following that little epiphany, I decided to give my blog a makeover. I spent the morning looking at free blog templates and winnowing my choices down to a couple of decent ones. (I know; I could get a custom template, but "free" was a critical component here.) The early part of the afternoon was devoted to applying the template, futzing with all the settings, and trying to figure out some basic HTML editing. So far, I'm moderately pleased with the results.

I would still like to make a custom avatar or button or whatever you call that little thingy that can appear next to your profile information. Most of the bloggers I read have a photo of themselves, but I am just NOT into pictures of me. (They're all dreadful.) That will be my next project. For now, I have given myself a headache, and I believe I will lie on the sofa and watch Deadliest Catch.

Do You Keep Your Blog Secret?

As I've written here before, I keep up with a fair number of blogs on a regular basis. Some of them are huge, with a massive readership; a couple are family blogs written by personal friends. As I was commenting on some blogs today, I started wondering: do most people tell their family members and "real world" friends about their blogs?

My husband knows that I have a blog, and he is free to read it anytime. I haven't, however, told any of my family members about it, and I don't plan to in the future. Some of my co-workers know, but they have never asked to see it, and I'm fine with that. None of my church friends know about my blog, nor does my closest buddy; the only friends who have ever read it are a couple of former co-workers whose blogs I follow.

I think I've figured out why I like "hiding" my blog. Writing gives me an opportunity to sort through some of the things that bug me (hopefully in a humorous fashion), and sometimes that includes family members or co-workers. It's like having someone to talk to who is completely objective. I like that. It's kind of therapeutic.

Apparently, A Post Title is Required

I read a lot of blogs every day, and comment on most of them. Some of my favorite blogs use the CommentLuv plug-in for their comments section, which is great. It links the title of my last post along with my comment, which is a nice way to bring traffic to my blog without me having to actually pimp it too much.

I think I discovered a flaw in the CommentLuv system, however. My last post did not have a title, and, consequently, I left a series of comments at several blogs today with no link. Bummer. I'll make sure every post has a title from now on.

The Awesomest Thing

My very own blog was quoted on Blogtations! I've been reading Blogtations for a while now--I found several of my favorite blogs there. My little quote is now hanging out with quotes from some really great writers, and I am truly honored. I started this blog because I like to write, and I like to make people laugh, and I have a lot of odd stuff floating around in my head and no one to share it with. My plan all along has been to sign up with humor-blogs.com, but I've been either too busy or too lazy to do it. So it came as a real surprise to me that anyone, other than a couple of personal friends, was even reading this blog, let alone quoting it. Now I just have to figure out how to post the nifty little badge thingy. Thanks again to Quote Hunter and Blogtations!