Coming Soon: Bye-bye, Thunder Thighs?

A few years ago, I lost 40 pounds on the Weight Watchers program. I've manged to keep the weight off, but, when the fat went away, it left some...unattractive remnants, shall we say. I've never really expected to have a six-pack, but it would be great to firm up some of those problem areas. I assumed the only way to do that was via lots of boring exercise. Until last weekend, when I saw a commercial that might (or might not) change my life.

Nivea has introduced a product called My Silhouette:
that claims to "redefine the appearance of the body's contours." The commercial insinuated that inches could be lost, and I was intrigued. I almost never fall for this kind of thing; I usually try to live by the old "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is" philosophy. But, when I went to the grocery store on Tuesday, I found myself seeking out the Nivea products to price a tube of My Silhouette. It was $12, and the package claimed that although the product is "not intended for weight loss" it could reduce up to three centimeters from my waist, belly, hips, and thighs. Coincidentally, those are all the spots with the worst hail damage. Right into the cart it went.

I will be doing a full review of my (hopefully) magical flab-reducing potion in four weeks, which is how long the package says it takes to see results. I've been applying it twice a day since Tuesday, and things do seem a bit smoother, but only time will tell. I really don't expect a miracle. But, if a product promises to reduce the size of my mighty thunder thighs and help stop them flappin' in the breeze (it is shorts weather, after all), then I am at least going to give it the old college try. Stay tuned for the review in mid-June!

Busier Than A...

One-armed paperhanger. One-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. Bee. Insert your favorite analogy here, because I've had a busy couple of weeks. Since I feel kind of bad for not posting for a while, here is a rundown of some of the things that have kept me away from the blog.

Thinking I Had Appendicitis
I spent one evening last week at the walk-in clinic, to see if my appendix was causing all the stomach pain I have been having. This is the pearl of wisdom I received from the physician's assistant: "I know that you don't have appendicitis, but I have no idea what you do have." Awesome--I had to pay a $20 co-pay AND get poked really hard in the belly for that.

Not Finding a Mother's Day Gift
Usually, when my mom asks for clothes for Mother's Day, I just take her shopping. She's kind of tough to buy for, and that way I can be sure that she gets something she likes. This year, though, she asked me to pick out an outfit for her. I live in a metropolitan area with a population of 300,000 people...and it appears that everyone's mom is the same size as mine. I waited until the last minute, then looked at every dress in three stores, and found nothing. I ended up giving Mom a gift card, and feeling like a loser.

Playing with My New Toys
I mentioned to Mr. Nerd a couple of weeks ago that I would like to have a painting program and a tablet to use it with. Not for any particular reason; I've just always liked to noodle around with art stuff. Mr. Nerd took it upon himself to order the items in question from Amazon, and I got them set up over the weekend. The only problem I've had so far is that Corel Painter does not come with art talent pre-installed. I couldn't draw when I was taking art classes in high school, and all the fancy computer equipment in the world doesn't seem to help. For example, it took me two days to produce this:

(It's a stargazer lily, in case you can't tell. And I would be amazed if you could tell.) I stink at the Painter thing, but it's lots of fun. And, I've discovered another way to waste time and avoid doing chores!

So, that's what I've been up to for the past couple of weeks. My next big project: contemplating what kind of havoc I can wreak on my back yard. I have landscaping fever, and that never ends well. I'll be sure to post photos if I come up with anything interesting.

Flickr Fun Friday: It's Inescapable

I'm talking about the Kentucky Derby, and it is, indeed, inescapable, if you live in Kentucky. The Run for the Roses is this weekend, and I'm...well, not all that interested, really. Horses are kind of nice to look at, but I don't really like to be around them ("large" "unpredictable" and "temperamental" are not qualities I look for in an animal) . I hate losing my money on bets, and you could not pay me to fight the massive crowds at the race. Unless, you know, I was invited to sit in Prince William's royal box or something. But, for anyone who is interested in the race but cannot actually make it to Churchill Downs, I thought I could provide a glimpse of what you will be missing, courtesy of Flickr:

Hats

(courtesy of velo steve's photostream)

Knowing my luck, my seat would be behind this lady.

Drunk People

(courtesy of bhenak's photostream)

Based on some of the stories I've heard, you will see a lot of drunk people. And they will probably be covered in a nice, thick layer of mud, since it's supposed to rain pretty much nonstop from now until post time.

Oh, and yeah...Some Horse Races
(courtesy of boboroshi's photostream)

There will be a bunch of races, but I don't know if anyone will actually notice or not. They will all be too busy modeling hats, downing mint juleps, losing money faster than the current economy, getting stuck in the infield mud, and trying to scope out celebrities.

If you do decide to go to the Derby, I hope you have a great time! I think I'll just hang out here, where it's quiet, cool, and dry. And no one will throw up on me.

(And I realize it's Thursday night, not Friday, but I knew I wouldn't have time to post tomorrow.)

Shout-outs to a Couple of Peeps

Since I've read all the way through the archives of most of my favorite blogs, I'm always looking for new chuckles. I discovered a couple of new blogs recently, and they are so awesomely hilarious that I just had to add them to my blogroll:

Cake Wrecks
Jen at Cake Wrecks searches the web for photos of disastrously-decorated professional cakes, and writes the most perfect comments on them. I laughed so hard at this entry that Diet Coke nearly came out of my nose, and that doesn't happen very often. And, if you're a fan of shows like Ace of Cakes, you will love her "Sunday Sweets" posts, which showcase gorgeous, non-wrecky cakes.

It's Lovely, I'll Take It
This is my most recent find, and there are plenty of chuckles to be had. Sara Lorimer culls funny, weird, and sometimes just plain inexplicable pictures from real estate listings, and adds her own commentary. It was hard to pick a favorite, but this post was one of them.

To Sara and Jen, thanks tons for the laughs! And for everyone else, I recommend that you check out these blogs immediately. Just put down the Diet Coke first.

Flickr Fun Friday

Since I've recently discovered all the fun to be found on Flickr (I totally did not plan that alliteration-sorry), I decided to start a (maybe) semi-regular feature called Flickr Fun Friday. Here's the photo I chose for my first installment:

Photo courtesy of Kenn Wilson.
(If this does not satisfy the attribution requirements, I am truly sorry.
All that Creative Commons stuff is confusing.)

Ah, the I'm-way-too-smoove-for-pants-that-fit style! How I hate it. Any photo that highlights the foolishness of this look is okay by me. Nice work! (And nice gray undies, dude.)

I Think the Answer You're Looking for Is "Yes"

(Photo and article courtesy msnbc.com)

I know that I am innately jealous of anyone who is naturally thin, but this is just ridiculous. To the Australia Miss Universe folks: Please do not condone this by allowing this woman to enter your pageant. I'm sure there are plenty of lovely, healthy-looking girls in Australia who could vie for the title. To Miss Naumoska: Eat something! And quick! You may not know it, but food can be really tasty. I would suggest a nice, big plate of pasta; a good glass of wine; a loaf of delicious garlic bread; and a yummy tiramisu. That always seems to do the trick for packing on the pounds for me.

I Love This So Much...

Everyone and their brother has probably seen this clip by now, but I just had to share anyway:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

(I would have embedded it, but YouTube has disabled embedding.)

I have wanted to be a professional singer my whole life. If you've never sung before, you probably don't realize how scary it is to walk out on that stage and wait for the music to start. Sometimes, I'm afraid that I won't be able to sing at all, but I may throw up instead. For that woman to not only take the stage, but perform so beautifully AND totally blow away the judges, was simply amazing. Susan Boyle, congratulations to you. I am so happy that the record companies are calling and you will have a chance to do what you love, because you deserve it.