Tonight I’m not takin’ no calls

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you might think that all I do is shop, take care of my wee beasts, watch TV, and lurk on my favorite blogs. (That's kind of true, actually.) I do, however, have a day job—I am an administrative assistant in a government office, where I am responsible (along with a couple of other admins) for answering the main phone line for the division. Calls. Lots of calls. Lots of calls from citizens, who are often a little unsure about how things work in local government—which I understand completely. The reason people call in is to get information. Somewhere along the way, though, it seems like some folks missed the instructions on how to make a good phone call. Clearly, these people need some help. In the spirit of being helpful, I thought I might include a few hints here on how to get the most out of your phone call.

1. Know why you are calling
You might think that this is a no-brainer, but there have been times when I was 10 minutes into a call and still had no idea what the person was asking. While playing a rousing game of “20 Questions” might be fun in my spare time, I don’t really enjoy it when both of the other lines are ringing, the copier just went toes-up, I can’t get a crucial document to print, and I have a meeting in seven minutes.

2. Be able to articulate said reason
I try to be patient here; I know that not everyone talks on the phone all day long as part of their jobs. I don't need a flowery oration. Just basic, moderately coherent human communication, that’s all I ask. If you are a young person (we get a fair number of calls from students working on research projects), please keep in mind that we are not all young people, and we might not be familiar with the current slang.

3. Do not be on fire
Our office gets lots of calls from people who are up against deadlines. They’ve often waited until the last minute to do all of the research on some kind of massive project. Therefore, they act as if their shorts are on fire, and they’re calling someone to come put them out. When someone says “emergency” to me, I think life-or-death, severed-limb, contractions-10-seconds-apart situations. Not “I forgot that my paperwork is due in 20 minutes and I lost the instructions and if I can’t get this done the world will end” kinds of situations. Not an emergency in my book. Please calm down.

4. Leave a message
Want to drive a receptionist (or other phone-answering person) crazy? Call for someone; note that it’s really important that you talk to them ASAP; refuse the opportunity to leave a message; and continue to call, every 15 minutes, for the rest of the day. I can’t stress this enough: leave a message. I know it’s hard to trust again when you’ve been burned before. But you need to understand: I want you to reach the person you’re trying to call! So you will stop calling me every few minutes. The people I work with are an incredibly passionate bunch of professionals who are very dedicated to serving the public. They return calls religiously. LEAVE A FREAKIN’ MESSAGE. (ahem)

Hopefully someone out there will find my helpful hints, and save some poor soul a bit of misery at work. Anyone else out there ever worked reception? Did I leave anything out?

A very strange kind of day

Do you ever have days that are just...odd? I'm not talking paranormal-weird or anything, just a little off. Well, I had one of those days today. Here are a few of the episodes that made me feel like I might be stuck in an episode of The Twilight Zone.

The phone calls
Let me begin by noting that I answer the phone all day long, every day, so I am no stranger to weird phone calls. This morning, I spoke to two different callers, about two completely different situations. I did my best to help each caller, so I thought that was the end of that. This afternoon, though, each of those people called me again...and, again, went through their entire spiel, in conversations identical to those we had had this morning. Here's the strange thing: They had no idea that they were speaking to the same person they spoke to earlier in the day. I would be willing to believe that my customer service had been somewhat underwhelming, but I usually try to be helpful and treat callers the way I would like to be treated. (Golden Rule and all, you know.) So, two people just completely forgot me. I watch a lot of science fiction, and I was beginning to wonder about parallel universes and rifts in the space-time continuum and whatnot. Weird.

The elevator
I was on an elevator, going from the 5th floor to the 11th. You know how you forget to push the floor button sometimes? I know I pushed the button, because it lit up. I promise! But the elevator didn't stop on my floor. It went all the way to the top of the building, shimmying and shaking like it was about two seconds away from a reeealllly fast trip to the basement. (My primary thought at that moment? Oh no, I have my new boots on! How's that for having your priorities straight?) Of course, I felt it necessary to explain to the lady who then boarded the elevator that I had actually pushed the button. She gave me one of those "sure, of course you did, dear" kind of looks. Weird, and a tad embarrassing.

The mystery visitor
The organization where I work is spread out over several buildings. This morning, I got a call from the security desk at one of the nearby buildings; a gentleman was there looking for me, and they were going to send him my way. I'm an administrative assistant, so it's pretty unusual for someone to be looking for me specifically. I have to confess to a bit of panic, because the first person who came to mind was one of my former co-workers. He liked me, I didn't feel the same, he left the company, and I thought no more of him. Until he turned up at the reception desk, four days before my wedding, to tell me that he was in love with me and would like for me to call off my wedding and give our relationship a chance. Can you see why I was unnerved? I was on pins and needles for the ten minutes or so that it took my visitor to find me. But it wasn't him after all. It was a perfectly nice and friendly fellow, with a legitimate work question for me. Whew. Could have been weird (boy howdy, could it have been weird), but it wasn't.

After a day like this, it was a great relief to come home, where everything is normal. How about you? Have you had an odd day lately?

photo came from here

How to Not Be A Jerk on the Elevator

My office is on the seventh floor of our building, so I spend a fair amount of time on the elevator. It's an uncomfortable situation--stuffed in a small space, with strangers, and the possibility of getting stuck looming in the back of your mind. All those healthy types would probably suggest taking the stairs...and to that I say-HA! It's seven flights! I would prefer not to arrive at work sweaty and exhausted, smelling like a yak, every morning. I would, however, like to offer some elevator etiquette tips to all the folks I share that space with on a daily basis, just to help make the workday a bit more tolerable for all of us. Without further ado, I present:

Absepa's Helpful Hints on How to Not be a Jerk on the Elevator



Don't talk on your cell phone.
I started to write, "No one wants to hear your conversation," but sometimes I do, actually. You see, I'm kind of nosy. The problem is that a normal elevator trip is not long enough for me to really satisfy my curiosity about your business. I might hear a snippet of your discussion about a fired co-worker, illegitimate offspring, or scary medical issues, and then I'll just spend the rest of the day wondering about it. That's not good for either of us.

Don't rush the door.
People, you're not trying to get a wicked front-row general-admission seat at the Lynyrd Skynyrd show here. Don't rush the door! Give the poor souls on the elevator a chance to disembark before you attempt to get on. The door bum-rush is usually a move favored by groups of large, oblivious men. Since I am not exactly hulking, I end up getting squished against the door frame by one of these walking monoliths. This involves the potential for injury (bad) and physical contact (extra-super-bad); therefore, it is one of my biggest elevator pet peeves.

Don't Be a Total Tool on Every Possible Level
Okay, this one is not universally applicable. It is directed toward one old jerk in my building, who committed the most egregious elevator faux pas I have ever witnessed. This guy boarded the elevator after I did, talking on his cell phone all the while. He positioned himself in the spot nearest the buttons and pulled out a legal pad. He then propped his legal pad against the buttons, so that I couldn't reach them, and began taking notes. I asked him at least four times to push the button for my floor, but he totally ignored me and continued his cell phone conversation. Consequently, I was forced to ride the elevator back down to the lobby, looking like a schmuck. I often do things that make me look like a schmuck, so that wasn't such a big deal. It was this guy's unadulterated, unmitigated, bold rudeness that blew me away. I've already decided that, should he ever pull that move again, I'm just going to shoulder him out of the way and push my button. He's not that big, and he's pretty old, so I think I can take him.

So, there you go, folks. Put these helpful hints into practice at your office, and your co-workers will thank you for it. Or at least they won't be hoping you get run over by a bus.