Tuesday, March 24, 2009

A Lame Post is Better Than No Post, Right?

Over the past 5.5 hours, I have:

-Done a PT session
-Finished the grocery shopping for the week
-Stopped by the hardware store for a new dog-poop containment system (aka 5-gallon bucket with a tight-fitting lid)
-Picked up husband at work
-Calmed dogs from end-of-day wildness
-Put away groceries
-Fed dogs
-Fed self
-Spent 90 minutes cleaning the backyard: poo pickup, reset landscaping fences that had blown down, cleaned out a dryer vent that was blocked with dead leaves
-Took dogs out
-Put out clothes for tomorrow for both of us
-Done 20-minute home PT exercise session; realized that the step I use at PT is four inches high, the step in my house is seven. That explains the leg cramps.
-Cleaned up dog toys
-Washed face, brushed teeth, got settled on sofa
-Checked email and Google reader; discovered that an old co-worker has a really funny blog; did 25 Entrecard drops
-Wrote this lame blog post

Whew. I promise less lame-ness later in the week, when I've had time to catch my breath.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Do You Have a "Movie Moment"?

Do you get bored in the shower? How about when you're doing a mindless task, like housecleaning? I do. To combat that boredom, I imagine myself as a character in a movie. Sometimes the movies are familiar, sometimes it's a story I make up myself. I do this in the shower nearly every day, so I have mentally starred in thousands of films at this point.

After all those starring roles, though, I do have a favorite:


Where do I start? The voice, the princess dress, the hair...this scene has it all. She's 16 and beautiful, AND two smokin' hot men are going to be fighting for her throughout the duration of the movie. How much better could it get? I have imagined myself in that dress, singing that song, about a million times. My first runner-up is the "Summer Lovin'" scene from Grease.

Do you have a "movie moment"? If you do, tell me in the comments. I know I'm not the only one who does this, because I'm sure my sister would say I stole her scene.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I'm 38 going on 8...

At least as far as my sense of humor is concerned. I love ridiculous, absurd humor that has no redeeming social value whatsoever. The things that make me laugh the hardest are usually the most lowbrow.

Take this, for example. See if you can figure out which line makes me giggle uncontrollably (answer below).

"Your son Rip is on line toot." HA! It gets me every time. Nothing but the best fart jokes for those of us with a mature, refined sense of humor.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm feeling the urge to create my own blog template again...which is never a good thing. We'll see what happens. I'm sure it will involve frustration, swearing, tears, and drinking wine. If you check back and everything looks a mess, it means I got tipsy and tried to figure out HTML. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

How to Not Be A Jerk on the Elevator

My office is on the seventh floor of our building, so I spend a fair amount of time on the elevator. It's an uncomfortable situation--stuffed in a small space, with strangers, and the possibility of getting stuck looming in the back of your mind. All those healthy types would probably suggest taking the stairs...and to that I say-HA! It's seven flights! I would prefer not to arrive at work sweaty and exhausted, smelling like a yak, every morning. I would, however, like to offer some elevator etiquette tips to all the folks I share that space with on a daily basis, just to help make the workday a bit more tolerable for all of us. Without further ado, I present:

Absepa's Helpful Hints on How to Not be a Jerk on the Elevator

Don't talk on your cell phone.

I started to write, "No one wants to hear your conversation," but sometimes I do, actually. You see, I'm kind of nosy. The problem is that a normal elevator trip is not long enough for me to really satisfy my curiosity about your business. I might hear a snippet of your discussion about a fired co-worker, illegitimate offspring, or scary medical issues, and then I'll just spend the rest of the day wondering about it. That's not good for either of us.

Don't rush the door.

People, you're not trying to get a wicked front-row general-admission seat at the Lynyrd Skynyrd show here. Don't rush the door! Give the poor souls on the elevator a chance to disembark before you attempt to get on. The door bum-rush is usually a move favored by groups of large, oblivious men. Since I am not exactly hulking, I end up getting squished against the door frame by one of these walking monoliths. This involves the potential for injury (bad) and physical contact (extra-super-bad); therefore, it is one of my biggest elevator pet peeves.

Don't Be a Total Tool on Every Possible Level
Okay, this one is not universally applicable. It is directed toward one old jerk in my building, who committed the most egregious elevator faux pas I have ever witnessed. This guy boarded the elevator after I did, talking on his cell phone all the while. He positioned himself in the spot nearest the buttons and pulled out a legal pad. He then propped his legal pad against the buttons, so that I couldn't reach them, and began taking notes. I asked him at least four times to push the button for my floor, but he totally ignored me and continued his cell phone conversation. Consequently, I was forced to ride the elevator back down to the lobby, looking like a schmuck. I often do things that make me look like a schmuck, so that wasn't such a big deal. It was this guy's unadulterated, unmitigated, bold rudeness that blew me away. I've already decided that, should he ever pull that move again, I'm just going to shoulder him out of the way and push my button. He's not that big, and he's pretty old, so I think I can take him.

So, there you go, folks. Put these helpful hints into practice at your office, and your co-workers will thank you for it. Or at least they won't be hoping you get run over by a bus.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Another Note of Thanks...

Goes to Kathy at The Junk Drawer for adding me to her blogroll! Kathy, you and JD have been SO incredibly helpful and encouraging to me on my adventure in blogging. I plan to demonstrate my gratitude to both of you by continuing to ask you a million and two questions about Entrecard. Thanks again for everything!