And me without my adamantium

The other day, I came home from work and I was S-T-A-R-V-I-N-G. Within this box...

lay my solution: Kraft macaroni and cheese. I don't really cook, because, when I am hungry, I don't want to cook. I want to eat. I seem to have lost my ability to eat most foods since my surgery, so mac and cheese has become my standby. (Quick, minimal effort, tasty...meets all the criteria). Very well, then. Open up the box and--

I. Can't. Open. The. Freakin'. Box. Do you see the perforations in the (crummy cell phone camera) photo up there? It says, "Insert Thumb & Lift To Open." Is it just me, or can anyone actually open these things? I know I am kind of a weakling, but I couldn't even stab it open with a knife. Seriously, I would have to have Wolverine claws to get into the cursed thing. And, of course, the top of the box was never intended to open, so it wasn't exactly easy, either. That's why it's all ripped up. I was afraid I was going to have to smash the whole thing with a hammer and try to catch the flying macaroni shrapnel so I could have something to eat.

Kraft, let me give you some friendly advice: Your average macaroni and cheese customer does not need any additional aggravation. They are in a hurry. Either they are making your product for the 47th night in a row --because their picky kids won't eat anything else--or they are (like me) lazy sods who want something hot to eat that is a notch above a frozen dinner, but requires no actual cooking skills. So please, make the boxes easier to open. And do it quickly, because that was my last one.

Curse you and the salad you rode in on...

Have you ever noticed that there are food trends? Certain foods will go through a big surge in popularity, only to be replaced with the next big thing that comes along. They mentioned this phenomenon in an episode of Seinfeld, concerning pesto. (George referred to Seattle as "the pesto of cities.") Even though I hardly have my finger on the pulse of the culinary world, I'm pretty sure I know what the current hot food is...feta cheese.

I can tell that feta is currently having its moment in the sun, because it's not just for ethnic or high-dollar restaurants anymore--fast-food joints are picking up on it, too. Mr. Nerd and I eat out quite a bit, but I try to stick more or less to the food pyramid guides, so I'm always looking for a good salad. Recently, Wendy's introduced a new line of salads, and I was so excited. We stopped by one Sunday after church, and I ordered up a Cobb salad. Grilled chicken, bacon, veggies...how bad could it be? Pretty bad, I discovered, if it's topped with disgusting feta cheese. (And boiled egg-blerg-but that's a subject for another post.) So, lesson learned.

Until a couple of weeks ago,when Mr. Nerd and I found ourselves once again in the Wendy's drive-thru. He was interested in a salad, too, so we were looking at the garage door-sized posters of the salads on the side of the building. The chicken, apple, and pecan salad looked delicious, but! "What is that white stuff on there? Can you tell?" I asked Mr. Nerd, hoping against hope. "Looks like feta." Grrr. Another salad, ruined. By feta.

Here's the thing, feta: I'm not really big on cheese. I like the more standard varieties (cheddar, swiss, mozzarella, even gouda) just fine. But if it's squishy, has visible mold, or smells like butt-rot, I am not going to even consider eating it. So, feta, you just enjoy your popularity while you have it. I'll be biding my time, waiting for the next Big Food Thing to come along. And praying that that Thing is not some kind of fish, because I don't eat that, either.

By Request

The praline cheesecake recipe:

• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 2/3 cup finely chopped pecans
• 2 tbsp powdered sugar
• 1 cup butter, melted
• 3 8-oz packages cream cheese, softened
• 4 eggs
• 1 14-oz. can sweetened condensed milk
• 2/3 cup granulated sugar
• 2 tsp. vanilla
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 cup whipping cream
• 1 cup chopped pecans
• 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In large bowl, combine flour, 2/3 cup chopped pecans, and powdered sugar. Stir in melted butter.

2. Press mixture onto bottom of 13x9 baking pan. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until crust is set and lightly browned around edges.

3. Meanwhile, in large bowl, beat cream cheese with electric mixer on low to medium speed until smooth. Add eggs; beat well. Beat in sweetened condensed milk, granulated sugar, and 2 teaspoons vanilla. Pour mixture over crust. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until set. Cool in pan on wire rack.

4. For topping: in medium saucepan, combine brown sugar and whipping cream. Cook and stir over medium heat until mixture boils; reduce heat. Simmer, uncovered, for 10 minutes. Remove from heat.

5. Stir in 1 cup chopped pecans and 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla. Pour topping over cheesecake. Cover and chill for 2 to 24 hours. Cut into small bars.

The cookbook says to cut these really small, because they're so rich, but where's the fun in that? There's no dessert too rich for me--I cut mine into slabs. Enjoy!