I think the Fat Fairy and Mr. Snarkypants are in cahoots

It all started when I realized my dress didn't fit.

That was this morning, when I was getting ready for work. The dress wasn't just a little snug; I looked like a brown knit sausage (with cute boots). And I had just worn the dress last week, when it fit perfectly. So, either a) I managed to gain an entire dress size in a week, even though I'm on hard-core Weight Watchers and I haven't been cheating; or b) there's some sort of fat-distributing version of the Tooth Fairy out there who strikes unsuspecting 40-something women during the night. The Fat Fairy, if you will. Either way, I spent a sweaty 20 minutes ironing another dress, putting on my eye makeup, and letting the dogs out--all at the same time. It made for a good start to the day.

Crap.

Then, the machines turned on me.

When I got to my office, I immediately settled down to work on a high-priority report that had to be ready to send to a group of bigwigs by noon. I opened the Word document, did a "save as," and...lockup; restart; lather, rinse; repeat four times, on four different computers. It turned out that the server for my division had run out of memory. By the time I was able to start on the report, I had just over an hour to finish.

CRAP.

Aaaannnnddd then Mr. Snarkypants called.

Just thinking about this guy is making my face burn. Not only was he incredibly snarky, rude, and completely unwilling to provide any of the information I needed to answer his question, he yelled at me. For about three solid minutes. While I was already stressed out from the whole computer thing. Here's a tip, dude: Yelling at me does not make me want to help you. It makes me want to curse at you and kick you in the shins. I got so disgruntled that I lost the willpower to resist the massive croissants one of my co-workers brought, which made me even more bummed out about the dress-not-fitting thing.

CRAAAAAAP!!!!!!

It all worked out, eventually--the computer problem was solved, the report got finished, my pulse stopped racing from the sheer fury caused by that massive jerkwad, and this crummy day was finally over. I got to change into my jim-jams and have a nice cup of coffee. I'm keeping an eye out for that Fat Fairy, though. If I find that heifer, she's definitely getting a kick in the shins.