Minutes of the previous meeting of the dogs

In attendance: Sebastian, Patches, and Abby
Agenda: Discuss the progress of the new initiatives to drive our mom crazy

Sebastian: Okay, everyone. Thanks for taking the time to meet today.

Patches: As if we would be doing anything else. We can’t drive, after all.

Abby: I think I saw a squirrel. Did you guys see a squirrel?

Sebastian: Let’s try to stay focused, so we can get through the agenda. Abby, how are you doing on your assignment?

Abby: I would say I’m making excellent progress. I don't know if it's the cold weather or what, but poop seems much tastier lately. I’ve been eating some every time I go outside.

Sebastian: Excellent! That definitely drives Mama crazy. She hates it when you eat poop. Patches, how about your assignments?

Patches: Well, I have been trying to rile up the neighbor dogs as much as possible, and they’re responding really well. The melting snow has been an added bonus, since all of our barking areas are super-muddy right now.

Sebastian: Are you making sure to bring in lots of little mud balls on your feet? So that they get ground into the carpet?

Patches: Absolutely. It took Mama 45 minutes to clean up all the mud last night. She had to mop the kitchen floor, too-twice.

Sebastian: Good, good. She should be getting close to the edge by now. For my part, I’ve been attempting to snatch Mama’s food off the table and counter whenever possible—I nearly got those fried pickles last week! I’ve also been contributing to the barking effort as much as I can.

Patches: I almost forgot! Two mornings last week I ate barf out in the yard, and then came inside and immediately yakked up my WHOLE breakfast. That really seemed to make a big impact on our mom—she went nuts.

Abby: Nuts? Did you see the squirrel?!

Sebastian: Mama is right, Abby—you really do have doggie ADD. So, for next week, I think we should all keep working on our current projects. Patches, can you also try to make sure you dump all of our toys out of the basket every day? Mama hates that.

Patches: Yeah, yeah…I’m on it. Can I take a nap now? I haven’t had a nap in at least an hour.

Sebastian: You are truly the laziest dog ever. Abby, be sure to continue with the poop-eating, and watch for birds that you can kill. You’re really good at that, and Mama hates to pick up their little carcasses.

Abby: No problem. I will eat as much poo as possible, and be on the lookout for birds. I love this project!

Sebastian: Okay, remember our primary objective here: If we can drive Mama crazy, she won’t be able to go to that "work" place anymore. Then, she can stay home with us all day! This meeting is adjourned.