Out of the Mouths of Babes

Even though I'll be turning 39 in a couple of months, I don't really feel that old. Except for a few aches and pains and some crows' feet, I usually try to think of myself as pretty young. Sometimes, though, it takes someone else to make one feel a little aged.

I was teaching preschool at church this morning, and we were bringing the little ones in from the playground. Two of the girls wanted to hold my hands, so we were walking along and having a nice chat. One of the girls asked if she could ride on my back. I told her that I was afraid I couldn't carry her on my back, and was getting ready to explain why (I have a bad shoulder). At that point, the other little girl said (very sweetly and sympathetically), "I know why you can't carry her...it's because you're too old, isn't it?" So much for feeling young! I guess to a five-year-old I must seem pretty ancient.

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And now, for a bit of blog housekeeping. First of all, I am incredibly excited to announce that I have joined Humor-Blogs.com!! It must have been the puppy face. My main reason for joining was to try to increase traffic to my blog, so that I could break free from Entrecard. I don't think it's a bad system; I just don't have time to give it the attention it deserves. So, as of today, I have removed the Entrecard widget from my blog and requested that my account be cancelled. I don't have any pending ads right now, but, if you had requested an ad, I apologize for leaving you hanging. If you came here from Entrecard, thanks for reading, and please stick around. Hopefully I will be able to use the time I was spending managing my Entrecard stuff actually writing on the blog, so please check back. If you like what you read here, please vote for me at Humor-Blogs.com! I'm a little confused about how to work the little widget-y link-y post-voting thing, but I will try to get it figured out before my next post.

An Apology, a Funny, a Shameless Plea, and an Award

An Apology

To any EntreCard droppers who have dropped here in the past five days or so, I apologize. I totally have not had sufficient time to devote to EC recently. I am thinking of getting out of EC, but I need to find another means of advertising/networking first. More about that below.

A Funny
Part of my job is answering phones. I don't have to help many folks; mostly, I just route calls out to the appropriate people. Sometimes, though, the callers make it almost impossible for anyone to help them. I went through this little scenario last week:

Caller: I'd like to speak to Bob Shipping, please.

Me: Ma'am, there are several men named Bob here, but no one whose last name is Shipping. Do you know which Bob you need to speak with?

Caller: There's no Bob Shipping? That's how I wrote his name down.

Me: Ma'am, there's no Bob Shipping...this is Shipping. You've called the Shipping Department.

Caller: But, I know I wrote down Bob Shipping! Can you please check and make sure there's no one there by that name?

**At this point, I wanted to say, "Lady, have you ever known anyone whose name was "Shipping"? And, assuming that there was someone by that name, what kind of coincidence would it be for him to WORK IN THE SHIPPING DEPARTMENT??"**

Me: Ma'am, can you tell me what this is concerning? That could help me find your party for you.

Fortunately, she knew what she was calling about, so I was able to figure out who she needed. It was indeed a Bob, but his last name is not remotely close to "Shipping." Go figure.

A Shameless Plea
Since I've been thinking about getting out of EC, I've been trying to find another way to network/market my blog. I found a lot of my favorite blogs through Humor-Blogs.com, so I thought I might take a shot at registering my blog with them. I did the registration part a few days ago, but I haven't heard anything yet. So, Diesel, if you're reading this post, this puppy face is for you:
Pretty please? I would love to be part of Humor-Blogs.com!

An Award
This is so exciting--I got my first award!! Stacie very graciously gifted me with a "One Lovely Blog" award. It has a really cool button thingy, but I am seriously lame and couldn't figure out how to post it here. Thanks, Stacie, and sorry I suck at the whole technology thing. If you haven't checked out Stacie's blog, you should! She's a mom, which I'm pretty sure means that she has WAY more irritation in her life than I do, and she's really funny. She also has a very cool header that I have coveted on more than one occasion. Thanks again, Stacie!

It's About Time You Got Here

Spring, I mean. (Not you, dear readers!) After a hellish winter, we have been suffering through a long, cold, WET spring. I was dealing with it pretty well for a while, but the four nights I spent shivering in the yard while I covered up the "tender vegetation" (that's what the meteorologists call it, and it makes me chuckle for some reason) used up my last bit of patience with this season.

Finally, though, spring seems to have really arrived. We have had three warm, lovely, dry days in a row. Today was perfect--temperatures in the high 70s, with no humidity and bright clear sun. I am currently sitting on my patio for the first time this year, and it is wonderful. Thanks to all the rain, the landscaping we put in last year is thriving. So, Spring, I am willing to forgive and forget all those April mornings that I trudged in to work in my winter clothes, longing for the day when I could haul out the sandals and set my toes free.

Now, I just need to figure out how to remove those airborne poop-delivery systems (aka birds) that have taken up residence in the vent on the back side of the house. I had to spend 30 minutes cleaning their leavings off the patio before I was able to enjoy it. I'm thinking a small explosive charge oughta do the trick; does anyone have a better idea?

Coming Soon: Bye-bye, Thunder Thighs?

A few years ago, I lost 40 pounds on the Weight Watchers program. I've manged to keep the weight off, but, when the fat went away, it left some...unattractive remnants, shall we say. I've never really expected to have a six-pack, but it would be great to firm up some of those problem areas. I assumed the only way to do that was via lots of boring exercise. Until last weekend, when I saw a commercial that might (or might not) change my life.

Nivea has introduced a product called My Silhouette:
that claims to "redefine the appearance of the body's contours." The commercial insinuated that inches could be lost, and I was intrigued. I almost never fall for this kind of thing; I usually try to live by the old "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is" philosophy. But, when I went to the grocery store on Tuesday, I found myself seeking out the Nivea products to price a tube of My Silhouette. It was $12, and the package claimed that although the product is "not intended for weight loss" it could reduce up to three centimeters from my waist, belly, hips, and thighs. Coincidentally, those are all the spots with the worst hail damage. Right into the cart it went.

I will be doing a full review of my (hopefully) magical flab-reducing potion in four weeks, which is how long the package says it takes to see results. I've been applying it twice a day since Tuesday, and things do seem a bit smoother, but only time will tell. I really don't expect a miracle. But, if a product promises to reduce the size of my mighty thunder thighs and help stop them flappin' in the breeze (it is shorts weather, after all), then I am at least going to give it the old college try. Stay tuned for the review in mid-June!

Busier Than A...

One-armed paperhanger. One-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. Bee. Insert your favorite analogy here, because I've had a busy couple of weeks. Since I feel kind of bad for not posting for a while, here is a rundown of some of the things that have kept me away from the blog.

Thinking I Had Appendicitis
I spent one evening last week at the walk-in clinic, to see if my appendix was causing all the stomach pain I have been having. This is the pearl of wisdom I received from the physician's assistant: "I know that you don't have appendicitis, but I have no idea what you do have." Awesome--I had to pay a $20 co-pay AND get poked really hard in the belly for that.

Not Finding a Mother's Day Gift
Usually, when my mom asks for clothes for Mother's Day, I just take her shopping. She's kind of tough to buy for, and that way I can be sure that she gets something she likes. This year, though, she asked me to pick out an outfit for her. I live in a metropolitan area with a population of 300,000 people...and it appears that everyone's mom is the same size as mine. I waited until the last minute, then looked at every dress in three stores, and found nothing. I ended up giving Mom a gift card, and feeling like a loser.

Playing with My New Toys
I mentioned to Mr. Nerd a couple of weeks ago that I would like to have a painting program and a tablet to use it with. Not for any particular reason; I've just always liked to noodle around with art stuff. Mr. Nerd took it upon himself to order the items in question from Amazon, and I got them set up over the weekend. The only problem I've had so far is that Corel Painter does not come with art talent pre-installed. I couldn't draw when I was taking art classes in high school, and all the fancy computer equipment in the world doesn't seem to help. For example, it took me two days to produce this:

(It's a stargazer lily, in case you can't tell. And I would be amazed if you could tell.) I stink at the Painter thing, but it's lots of fun. And, I've discovered another way to waste time and avoid doing chores!

So, that's what I've been up to for the past couple of weeks. My next big project: contemplating what kind of havoc I can wreak on my back yard. I have landscaping fever, and that never ends well. I'll be sure to post photos if I come up with anything interesting.

Flickr Fun Friday: It's Inescapable

I'm talking about the Kentucky Derby, and it is, indeed, inescapable, if you live in Kentucky. The Run for the Roses is this weekend, and I'm...well, not all that interested, really. Horses are kind of nice to look at, but I don't really like to be around them ("large" "unpredictable" and "temperamental" are not qualities I look for in an animal) . I hate losing my money on bets, and you could not pay me to fight the massive crowds at the race. Unless, you know, I was invited to sit in Prince William's royal box or something. But, for anyone who is interested in the race but cannot actually make it to Churchill Downs, I thought I could provide a glimpse of what you will be missing, courtesy of Flickr:

Hats

(courtesy of velo steve's photostream)

Knowing my luck, my seat would be behind this lady.

Drunk People

(courtesy of bhenak's photostream)

Based on some of the stories I've heard, you will see a lot of drunk people. And they will probably be covered in a nice, thick layer of mud, since it's supposed to rain pretty much nonstop from now until post time.

Oh, and yeah...Some Horse Races
(courtesy of boboroshi's photostream)

There will be a bunch of races, but I don't know if anyone will actually notice or not. They will all be too busy modeling hats, downing mint juleps, losing money faster than the current economy, getting stuck in the infield mud, and trying to scope out celebrities.

If you do decide to go to the Derby, I hope you have a great time! I think I'll just hang out here, where it's quiet, cool, and dry. And no one will throw up on me.

(And I realize it's Thursday night, not Friday, but I knew I wouldn't have time to post tomorrow.)

Shout-outs to a Couple of Peeps

Since I've read all the way through the archives of most of my favorite blogs, I'm always looking for new chuckles. I discovered a couple of new blogs recently, and they are so awesomely hilarious that I just had to add them to my blogroll:

Cake Wrecks
Jen at Cake Wrecks searches the web for photos of disastrously-decorated professional cakes, and writes the most perfect comments on them. I laughed so hard at this entry that Diet Coke nearly came out of my nose, and that doesn't happen very often. And, if you're a fan of shows like Ace of Cakes, you will love her "Sunday Sweets" posts, which showcase gorgeous, non-wrecky cakes.

It's Lovely, I'll Take It
This is my most recent find, and there are plenty of chuckles to be had. Sara Lorimer culls funny, weird, and sometimes just plain inexplicable pictures from real estate listings, and adds her own commentary. It was hard to pick a favorite, but this post was one of them.

To Sara and Jen, thanks tons for the laughs! And for everyone else, I recommend that you check out these blogs immediately. Just put down the Diet Coke first.