Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Good night, dying of fright, get out the dynamite

Okay, I've had enough. This has been going on for weeks, and I just can't take it anymore. To emphasize my point, I'm going to make it big and bold:

The news media MUST stop airing bedbug stories, effective immediately.
It is freaking me out.

It seems like every time I turn on the news, they're talking about bedbugs. In hotels, hospitals, stores; which cities and states have the most cases; how to tell if you have them; and on and on, ad nauseum. Each story is accompanied by large photos of the wretched things, along with disgusting, crawling video footage. In case you haven't read about it here yet, I HATE BUGS. (I even have a blog label for it.) So, while this  neverending discussion of infestation is probably mildly disturbing to normal people, it is really messing me up. Pretty soon, I'm going to have to sleep standing in the corner, whimpering, because I fear all of my furniture.

I haven't had as much time to watch the news since I went back to work a couple of weeks ago, so I was starting to relax a bit. Until yesterday...when I heard about the North American Bedbug Summit. They are having a freakin' summit--the kind of thing usually reserved for talks about nuclear disarmament and such--to talk about bedbugs. If I had thought the mere existence of such an event was the worst part, though, well, I would have been wrong. This morning, I heard the following bone-chilling quote from someone associated with the summit: "If you start with one bedbug now, you will have 30,000 in a matter of six months." He may have said more, but I can't be sure, since I fell into a dead faint in my kitchen.

Media people, I know why you run the bedbug stories: ratings. No one wants to get bedbugs, so everyone watches your programs in hopes that you will reveal some magical bedbug-eradication secret. But please, I am begging you. Stop now, while I can still go to bed without thinking about hundreds of little bug feet.

Note: If any Homeland Security/FBI/terrorist watch list types happen to be reading, I don't actually have dynamite, nor do I have any means by which to procure it. I was just trying to be funny in the title of this post. Please don't send me to jail. You just know there are bedbugs there.


Jewelielyn said...

i am a firm believer in "ignorance is bliss!" we know waaaay too much about an awful lot of stuff.
AND i am totally with you on the home security disclaimer. i cannot tell you how often i start to write something in my blog, only to pause and think, "wait, will this cause home security to tag me as high risk...?" because, you know, i am sure they are monitoring us... and i don't think they have much of a sense of humor. :)

Junk Drawer Kathy said...

I was JUST talking to a colleague about this today! I told her I'd actually be down with the stories if instead of showing snippet after snippet of live, moving bugs, they just showed a giant still of a cartoon bug, I'd be fine. But no. I don't have bed bugs, but I sure as hell know what they look like now. Can't get them out of my head.

absepa said...

Jewelielyn: I didn't think much about the dynamite thing at first. But then I realized I would probably end up in five years trying to leave the country or something, and finding out I'm on a terrorist watch list.

Kathy: I know!! It's the bedbug videos that really put me over the edge. It took me about two days for me to work up the courage to actually check my bed for bugs, since I know I would totally freak if I saw them.

JD at I Do Things said...

I have to be honest and say that I just barely sort of skimmed over this post because it's ABOUT BEDBUGS!

My mom recently saw something about bedbugs, I think it was on The View. She tried telling me how you're supposed to go about checking to see if you have them. Guess what? I DON'T CARE! Because I am never ever ever ever never ever going to acknowledge their existence. I can't see them, so they're not there. I don't care how big you magnify them. Sure, if I had a bug the size and approximate shape of a lobster in my bed, I'd take measures. But I don't, so I won't. And no one, not even my mom, can make me.

cardiogirl said...

Whoa, whoa. I've been under a rock. There are stories running rampant about bed bugs?! I have vague memories of some Miss America or something talking about bed bugs in her hotel room.

I refuse to Google that, however.

Word verification: demyoh.

I got dem -- yoh! (Hope I never have to scream that chant over and over while standing next to my bed.)

absepa said...

JD: I'm right there with ya. I was able to perform--barely--an extremely brief check of my bed. I was too scared I would find them there if I looked any closer.

Cardiogirl: HA! "I got dem-yoh!" Definitely needs to be used in some situation, but hopefully it won't be of the bedbug variety.