Thursday, June 10, 2010

Maybe not the ninth level, but it was getting close

Spent some time waiting at the doctor's office today. A lot of time. As a matter of fact, I was able to read nearly the entire July issue of Real Simple magazine. Have you seen this thing? It's about a half-inch thick. After a while, I started thinking that maybe I had died and I was in Hell's waiting room, rather than my orthopedist's. Of course, Hell's waiting room is never empty; you're always accompanied by the most annoying people possible.

Christopher, the Super-Irritating Child
I swear, I am an irritating kid magnet. This one appeared to be about four years old, and he was LOUD. (And yes, I know--you can't expect small children to sit still and be perfectly quiet. But I don't think it's unreasonable to require them to leave the other patrons alone.) Christopher thought it was great fun to crawl on the floor under the chairs...and then pop up at the end of the row, which was directly beneath my elbow. He did this, oh, twenty times or so before his "MAMAWMAMAWMAMAW" (that's what he kept yelling) told him to stop. He finally discovered the toys in the corner, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Until...

Suspender Man
Suspender Man arrived with great fanfare. He, too, was loud, and on crutches (and inexplicably attired in Ralph Lauren denim shorts with suspenders). Suspender Man greeted all of the receptionists, loudly; found a seat, loudly; and made a great show of getting settled and arranging his crutches. Ahh, now I can go back to these engrossing articles about hot dog toppings and sports bras. At that point, Suspender Man yelled, "Whoo!" and nearly scared me out of my uncomfortable chair. He proceeded to holler "Whoo!" at intervals of approximately every 90 seconds. He left just enough time between for me to think we were finished with the Whoo-ing. Each outburst was followed by a heavy sigh, which wafted directly over my head, along with a gust of coffee breath. Ugh.

Every-freakin'-one else
There must have been 25 people in this waiting room, and at least 20 of them were having full-volume cell phone conversations. Do people not care that everyone in the room can hear them discussing their personal problems? In addition, a sign is prominently posted in the waiting room forbidding the use of cell phones. Clearly, no one was paying attention. 

Oh, and did I mention that all of the doctors were running over an hour behind? And Dr. Phil was playing (loudly!) on the TV? Having your blood pressure checked is not part of a visit to the orthopedist, but, if it was, I'm pretty sure mine would have been through the roof. You know it's been a stressful visit when it's a huge relief to go back to work. And best of all, I get to go back in two weeks! Do you think that's enough time to round up an annoying kid and prepare a loud, embarrassing cell phone conversation?


cardiogirl said...


Damn, I'm exhausting and annoyed just reading that. These are the times that I chant my mantra:

We have rules for a reason. If we do not follow the rules we are no better than the animals.

Sounds like Loud Man was just waiting to engage someone in a conversation. And that made me want to scream, "SHUT THE EFF UP! with your exaggerated sighs. Not. Interested!"


JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, not Suspender Man. I hate that guy.

I firmly believe that many parents use doctor's waiting rooms (and restaurants, coffeeshops, and bookstores) as an excuse to let their kid(s) run wild and unattended. So what if it bothers the other patrons?

I don't understand the whole "talking loudly" in a waiting room or other close confines. I don't like strangers hearing me discuss ANYthing, much less anything personal. It's a two-way street, annoying people.

Puglette said...

good grief! what a horrible time you had. i really hate doctor's office waiting rooms. these people are not here because they are healthy, they are sick!

i have been known to tell an offensive child to stop what ever irritating behaviour they are doing. i feel they are fair game if the parents ignore them and if they intrude too much in my personal space.

have a good weekend!

absepa said...

cardiogirl: Yep, I definitely wanted to yell at Suspender Man. I think he was just begging someone to engage him in conversation...and it wasn't going to be me.

I kept thinking of George Costanza yelling, "We're living in a society!"

JD: The conversations people have on cell phones in public places just amaze me. I once actually heard a woman talking about someone having an STD--on an elevator. If I have to talk on my phone in public, I whisper.

Puglette: Oh, I wanted to tell that child to get his little butt out from under my chair and zip it. But, his mom and grandma both looked like they had seen a few fistfights in their day. Didn't think it was a good idea to push it.

Kathy said...

Like CG, I'm exhausted reading this. I feel for you, I really do.

What I want in doctor's offices are those square vibrating notifier thingies you sometimes get in restaurants that have long waits for seating.

You take your vibrator thing and go sit somewhere AWAY FROM OTHER PEOPLE and then when it's your time to be seated (or in your case, see the doctor), it starts vibrating and flashing lights and then you get your turn.

It is unkind to make people in waiting rooms sit there like they've just been arrested and have to share a cell with Suspender Guy. It's not fair!!!!

absepa said...

Kathy: Your pager idea is great! I would be much happier just hanging out in my car, listening to the radio, than sitting in the waiting room. I did feel pretty trapped there...and I have to go back next week. Ugh.