Tuesday, June 29, 2010

They say knowledge is power...

So gather round, kids, and let Ms. Absepa fill you in on some of the things I’ve learned over the  past (extremely busy, moderately stressful, fairly exhausting) week or so. Don’t worry—there won’t be a test on this material.

Lots of kids + lots of sugar = a little scary
I spent a few nights last week working my church’s Vacation Bible School. One night, the kids had root beer floats--with cupcakes--for their snack. There were about 60 kids, and roughly 20 or so adults to corral them all. It’s a miracle there wasn’t a mini-riot that night, because those kids were all so jacked up that I'm not sure we could have gotten them back under control if they had decided to mutiny. I’m thinking next year we should consider serving fruit and bottled water.

Moving sucks, hot weather makes it suck more
I’ve developed a theory that, unless you schedule your move in January (which, of course, guarantees that there will be a blizzard), your moving day will always be the hottest day of the year. My parents and sister moved last weekend, and it was 94 degrees, with about 400% humidity. It was already nearly 90 when I joined the fun—at 9 am—and it only got worse. Fortunately, they had movers for all of the really heavy stuff…and Speedway has slushes for 89 cents. I drank so many of those this weekend that I believe I might have replaced all of the liquid in my body with Wild Cherry Freeze.

Investigate your doctor’s background carefully
In general, I am not one to doubt the medical community. After all, doctors go to school for a long time, so I feel like I should trust them. However. I’m pretty sure the fellow who performed my arthrogram yesterday was actually a sadist (who decided to show up at the clinic, throw on a lab coat, and torture a few poor souls who were already suffering), rather than a radiologist. And he knew I wouldn't try to run away, either, since his nurse made me take off my bra and put on that flimsy gown. And that “contrast medium?” They might tell you it's iodine or barium, but only pure, unadulterated bottled evil could be that painful. Here's the most important lesson I learned last week: If your doctor ever mentions anything about a contrast MRI, run away as fast as you can.
It hurts like *#$&, which might make you want to kick the "doctor" in the groin as hard as you can. And they would probably frown on that.


cardiogirl said...

AUUGGHHH on the contrast medium. Thankfully I have never had this test but it sounds like a bitch. I hope the results are what you're looking for.

Root beer floats AND CUPCAKES?! Whoa. My kids just finished a week of VBS and I was surprised that they had a small ice cream cup for a snack one day for the same reason. They were not bouncing off the walls but I'm sure it's because they only had four ounces of ice cream.

Bless you for working with those sugar jacked kids.

Daisy said...

Daisy's "mom" here:
We have moved a number of times here in south FL. It has always been hot and humid, and our furniture always ends up COVERED in sweat from the big, burly moving men. Actual rivulets of sweat running down everything. Yuck!

SuziCate said...

Kids jacked up on sugar and heat don't mix well, at least not for the supervising adults! Your medical descriptions are hilarious!

JD at I Do Things said...

Oh, man. I'm not trying to one-up you or anything, but when we helped my mom move, it was 1,000 degrees with 90 billion % humidity. She was moving to a 3d-floor condo and the power went out. We had to haul her boxes up three flights of stairs IN THE DARK and then down the longest, darkest, hottest hallway known to man.

Oof, I've never had a contrast MRI and now I know never to consent to one. Sounds awful!

vettech said...

I saw a doctor on tv who said sugar doesn't really make kids hyper. Liar!!! I have moved 6 times in 10 years mostly in south florida, I assume each time that 33% of my stuff just isn't going to survive the trip.

absepa said...

cg: I thought you might realize the full horror of that sugar bomb, since you are a mom of three. Fortunately, I did not work one-on-one with the kids; I ran sound and the DVD, and set up each night's games and props.

Daisy's mom: Eww! We couldn't figure out at first why the sofa was all wet, but then we realized it was sweat. Do you just have to stock up on Febreze and douse all of your furniture each time you move?

Suzicate: Thanks! At least I got a blog story out of all that medical horror.

JD: Oh, dear Lord. Three floors and no elevator? I spent a solid 45 minutes or so running up and down the steps at Mom's old place, and thought I was going to die from the heat. You guys deserve a medal for that move.

vettech: Maybe that would be a good idea for Mythbusters--prove whether or not sugar makes kids jacked up. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

Judy said...

these are all valuable lessons. but that arthrogram? ouchies!! holy smokes! i have had needles stuck in joints to remove fluid and to add fluid, but just for visual purposes? yikes! you have my sympathies.